Story of A Goddess

Here I am, in my red-painted room. With dark wood furnishings and white accessories. On my plushie queen-sized, red-covered, 4-pillowed-with-1-bolster bed. White Roman blinds blocking most of the sun out when it's a sunny day. Lotsa fantasy novels arranged, and mythical merchandise i've collected. My heart-shaped earrings' board hung on the wall next to sky-element towel/hanger hooks. Pictures of me through my years from a fat baby to the geeky teenager that i was to the awkward, self-proclaimed gracious woman that I have become.

I may have not grown up here but this room, the farthest room on the left on this house, in Kota Damansara Section 5, is the only room where I felt as if it were my sanctuary. As though my whole life begins here. The place where I go most and spend my time just hanging out practically doing nothing. Well, I do lots of things actually. Like singing and dancing crazily in front of the mirror to blasting music from my old radio. Spend hours on the bed clicking and tapping on the also red, sleek Dell mini laptop or the, then, huge ass, black 'hak kerajaan Malaysia' HP laptop. The times I've sobbed silently, cried my heart out till my voice was hoarse, laughed loudly, giggled giddily, and stayed awake and laid still just to hear my heartbeat in my ear, feel it against my chest and rocking my body ever so slightly with each pump of those strong cardiac muscles in this room of mine.

The sleepovers I've had with friends and loved ones. we could share a bed with 5 people, or I'll be on the big bed alone while the other sleeps on the floor next to me. The dress ups, study sessions or gossip times were endless. I can tell that guests love this room too. I'm proud to be the owner of this special room. However, nothing lasts forever as one would expect because in a few day's time, all of it will be nothing but a memory. One that remains etched in my heart and brain forever. Like permanent marker. I'll miss you, Mr Room. I have pictures of you. Even if i don't, I can still remember it as vividly as though I still have it somewhere in an imagination room. Every corner, cracks, nook and crannies. All of it won't be forgotten. I will accept the fate of letting go. But only the room as an empty shell as I will make my next room just as homey and comfortable as this sanctuary. I'll pour my memories into the next one. I promise. I know it's too soon but an early farewell speech. Thank you, Room.


xoxo
Eli

p/s: Edward is coming to town. This trip will be the last trip where i can spend quality time with him in my room before I move on to Seremban and be his housemate. =S I can't wait to see you Sweetheart.

I was never good with making promises and to me, new year resolutions are promises you make to yourself that has to be fulfilled in that year. Sure you've got 365 days to do it but come on. Making promises to yourself is just bullshit. You know you'll find any loophole or excuses to not do these resolutions. Some people are just more discipline than others. I don't think I'm ever going to be in that category. So why bother making a new year's resolution?

Speaking of resolutions and empty promises, when 2010 came in I was kinda hyped up about and believe me, I was so hyped up about it that I haven't really blogged. I felt that I didn't want to update my life. (Padahal malas je sebenarnya) Oh well, I realized, I was blogging through my phone so much that when the phone bill came, Mama threaten to cut the line! Noooo!!!! If she cuts it, I'll never be able to get a Blackberry. I don't actually need it but I just want to have what other people have. OMG!! Elisha just look and listen to what you just said. Isshh what has 2010 done to you? Truth is, I keep saying I want it but I know deep down I'll keep finding excuses not to buy it. Hell, I have tuition fees and house deposits to pay. BB apanya.....

This blog is probably going to be a long one because I'm gonna update this entry about the whole of January. And boy did I had a ton of fun last month. So if you have no time, come back again to read it. And if you think you have better things to do, go ahead and finish whatever you're going to do. This entry isn't going anywhere. And if you really think that my blog is a waste of your precious time then, click the X on this window and carry on with your life. But for those who are still reading this: Thank you for being my loyal readers. How many of you are actually reading this? (Still reading? teehee) I bet not more than 5! haha. Oh whatever Elisha, just update the damn post already.

And so January began:


First week:
1st day of the year/month and already there was a huge celebration in the family. The newest addition to the family: Suzana aka Habil's newly wedded wife. Yeay! The wedding was okay. When voice messages of Fatin and Hanis (Habil's siblings who were too far away, across oceans, to attend his wedding) were played out for the whole dewan to hear, I got a lump in my throat. Weddings can get me all teary-eyed. *sniff sniff* The rest of the weekend was just a time to chill out. I don't even remember what I did.

Second week:
-I still had to work for the first week but i skipped out on monday because I had to send dear Grandmother to Johor. Ah that was a ride. I was with Aiman and Abg Fiz. The night before, I was on the phone with Jacob and the conversation got all weird and wrong. Haha. Oh well, I still had a few laughs.
-Nothing much happened on the 6th, I just dyed my hair natural brown with light goldish brown streaks. The natural brown was awesome but the streaks were a bit uneven. Grr.. what the hell, I still looked good.
-But on the 7th was the main highlight of the week. I actually saw The Gentleman himself on stage serenading me with his soothing melodious voice. When he smiled, the girls in the crowd went crazy!! I didn't know a quarter of the songs he sang but DAMN he was FINE~~! I haven't partied that hard in ages. Makes me miss my youthful days.
-On the 9th, that Saturday was Lisa's birthday party. She's one of my oldest friends. Since primary 1. Ah those good old days. It was fun meeting her again but not really a place to catch up on things. We clearly don't know what has been going on with each others life but it's nice to know that we're still friends. *big smiles for the friendship* Everybody wore superb costumes and dresses! the theme was Hollywood. Imagine that!

Third week:
-The day before, on that Sunday, I was agitated and annoyed at the fact that I haven't seen Edward for more that 2 weeks. And I thought it would be a pleasant change if i came up with a Penang trip instead of him coming down. So I asked mum and she actually said yes but only for ONE NIGHT! PFFTT!! Off to Penang I went with my sister. Now that was great because we had special connections in Penang and went to hang out at the Hard Rock Hotel. That was WICKED!! Edward was there of course but I kept thinking that I didn't have enough time with him. So on Tuesday we went down to KL together. Heeee! And I had no more work except on Friday. We went swimming, watched a movie. Love that week but now, it seems soooo far away.
-Our times were cut short because Abg Mahathir was getting engaged and the whole family boarded a bus (One bus with just the big familia as passengers : Specifically booked for the occasion) to JOHOR BAHRU!! My goodness! That was fun! It was just for the weekends so by the time we came back on sunday, I was beat!

Fourth week:
-This week was all about Eleena, my Angel sister. We went to Chilli's for a birthday dinner and we bought her a shocking pink dress for the actual birthday party that weekend.
- During the Party, I felt really old. Being among them teenagers with I know that I no longer belong to 'teen' aged group. A little bit depressing. I wowed Eleena's friends with my mediocre singing skills. They are really easily amazed. Weird bunch. Haha.
-That Saturday, I went out with WJ and Fia for a supposed bowling outing but it turned out to be a 'Legion' movie outing instead. And I thought I was watching the hilarious 'Spy Next Door'. I almost died in the cinema. Watch out guys. You'll pay for it one day.
-On Sunday, Mama was missing AZ so much that we made a surprise visit to Abg Cah's house in Kuantan. What a trip. AZ is adorable as always and Zara is just as naughty and noisy. When I'm older and having kids of my own, I want them to be as adorable as those little monkeys! *kisses* <3

Fifth week:
-Got a phone call from Latha demanding, no ordering me to go to Zulaikha's house so that my highschool friends and I can drive down to Melaka to visit her. Yea... That dictator. Furthermore, she wanted to meet us in KYS. The alma mater. What the eff.... Of course I wasn't of any significance so most teacher don't remember me. My add maths teacher remembered my name (Im quite sure because I introduced myself to the new headmistress in front of me) but he thought that I was the niece of Dr Ikmal. Yea great thanks. Even after high school I'm confused with Izati. No offense my twin. I'm just a little bit bitter about that. I mean I know I'm not well-known but don't la rub it in my face. (Angry at the situation)
-New house in DJ is a lot smaller so I'm a teeny-wit bummed at the fact that I won't get a room of my own. No shade of red in any part of the house. So I vowed that my room in Seremban will have that exact shade of blood-red. YES! DJ house is covered and repaired nicely. We're renting to no major renovations are made. Not that we have the money to do but I'm happy with it. A change is inevitable to make sure that our lives aren't as stressful.
-Since on the way back from Melaka proved what a scaredy-cat I was, Zulaikha hosted a fright night on Friday. If i almost died watching 'Legion' the other day, I died atleast THREE effing times on Friday/Saturday. It was horrible. Great fun but HORRIBLE. I will never ever see a horror movie again. And I think I know why. After torturing myself up to the point of severing my sanity, I realized that the reason I don't watch these movies is because I am first and foremost a visual person. My memory is stored longer if I see it. I can recount to you any movie that I have seen, scene by scene, with vivid details. So you can figure out how these gruesome images are embedded in my mind!! *chills* I had little sleep from then on.
-Saturday was great fun because I helped around at the new/old house and by afternoon around 4 we went to the upper east in Ampang for a swim. I swam only 500m. -oh yea... all those small meals and exercise is not making me lose any weight! uselessnya!!!- but after that, it was Sauna time with my beloved cousin J. She can really stand the heat in there. We were in 43 degrees of oven heat before I couldn't stand it. Only then was she satisfied with the 'glazed sweat-covered' look that she had in mind. I was already bathing in my sweat! Boy that felt good. The heat was a bit too much for me though. I had a cold that night and the next. Brrr~
-Sunday was hot!! and Toothfairy was HILARIOUS!! YEAY! That's all for January 31st!

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
I TELL YOU WHAT IT IS.
THAT IS JACOB AND EDWARD BONDING!! BAHAHAH...
Great. I'll be left out now! -.-"

I had to be a masochist.
Just had to let my itchy fingers dial your number.
The voice although far from real still felt good.
A painful relief.
Hot tears spilled.
No more... No more... Please.

Then that empty promise was made.
Although i expected it to never happen, I was still angry.
Stupid stupid situation.
I calm myself.
Can't spoil it for you.
No more... No more.. please.

"Elisha he's drunk and we're all drunk
so he'll call you back tomorrow morning ok?
He's throwing up
Haha"

It pierced through me like a million white-hot knives. Ready to burn and leave me bereft.


*Haha Haha Haha....*

Although the intention was good, it replayed in my mind.
Like an evil sinister laugh.
I'm sorry I spoiled it.
I'm being eaten up from the inside.
No more... No more.. No more... Please.

Never again.

For most people, it is the end of the year. The time where we reminisce all the things that we have done in that year. Exams, found love, graduation, broken hearts and speeding tickets. It's always different every end of the year. Last year you had your first kiss, the previous year you broke a leg. It continues to change as you grow up. It marks the end of a 365-day cycle before the wheel turns around and start fresh.

For some, it is a beginning. The beginning of new hope, new resolution, new life. It's a thrill to know that a new starting line is being drawn and the race is reset. Everything that was in the past cannot be undone hence, it's time to think of NEW ways to handle and get over it.

For one person, this particular date of this particular year means a lot to him. Well, he doesn't care much about it but it is actually a big deal. He turns 21. Finally legal. The age that marks his absolute freedom. He's getting a golden key! It's time for him to spread his wings and fly. It's also the time where he spends it with his closest friends. A small gathering but worthwhile. With a cake that will eventually be smeared on his face. Laughs, jokes, and drinks. Last year, nothing happened because everything was a blur. He had end of semester finals and the only thing worth remembering was going to the NYE celebration in the packed-alley of The Streets in The Curve. But it was already the end of his special day. Still, he had his arms around a beautiful lady. He is one lucky man! haha.

This year like all the other years, he continued his tradition of small gathering party with his close friends. Unfortunately I don't get that kind of privilege. I have other obligations i have to take care of. He has his friends. I'm kinda bummed for not being able to EVER know or see that side of him. He may say that all he wants is to celebrate with me. But it doesn't help knowing that he is having fun and I'm not there to atleast share it with him.



*laughs softly* He texted saying he could call for free because it was his birthday (yea call me only when its free PFFTT!) But i know better. I can't wait for him because I'm gonna get hurt waiting when things don't turn out fine. I don't want our conversation to be fuzzy in his mind. I want it to be vivid. So I can just talk to him tomoro when both of us are more sober and sane.

Despite the shittiness that I'm going thru(btw, i have major fever now.) I know that I won't spoil it for him. He can have it his way. My life still has to continue. I have a wedding tomoro. Angkat dulang. Too sick though. Hope I can pull it off tomoro. I'm longing to be in Penang but my family always comes first. And I don't think I'm even fit to travel right now. I'm a little worried. I haven't been this sick since last year. And that last year was a bad ass fever. A turning point in my life.

Oh well, All our memories are deeply etched in my brain and heart. Hope that one day, when we are together again, I can celebrate your birth of life with you.



My Prince.
My Sanctuary.
My Heart.

I love you. Happy birthday.


XOXO
Yours Truly. Elisha

I love fireflies. The way they light up, glow and make it look like the whole world is twinkling at night. I just smile at the fact that every cartoon that has fireflies in it makes it more magical. Almost like pixie dust in Tinkerbell Movie.

You know what's funny? The fact that I have company over and want to ignore the other company have totally backfired on me. The current company is well, having jetlag. And the other company is TOTALLY IGNORING ME! I know some might say Elisha perasan but OMG! IM NOT KIDDING!

The title is based on a dear cousin's quote. She said that she was so bored that she would eat her own feet. BAHAHA.

This is just a setback Elisha. The year is coming to an end and my life already feels fcuking over. This is not even PMS because I just went thru my menses.

I love blogs. Come read this blog.

http://willyoukeepasecret.wordpress.com/

Good one. But very new. Just found it off the net. I love the writings. Very errr storybook-ish.

Okay Im gonna go kill myself now. Too bored.

Ever thought that playing with a match is harmless but when it falls and burns brighter and bigger you panic and try and put it out? The truth is when you start putting the match to the scratch board, you feel curious. When it lights up, the tiny spark and flame puts you in a trance and you feel attracted to it. But you get too close, it feels hot and you drop it. The match drops to a flammable material and ignites a bigger fire. Then when you start to panic. Racing heartbeat, sweaty palms, giddy and lightheaded. You quickly put the fire out and you sigh a breath of relief.


That is how i feel now. Im being honest with you now Edward. Im a flirt. Just like the way a gentleman treats me. But Im friendly to other guys. Just that lately, I have been seeing a lot of Jacob lately because you, Edward, are not here. My heart is racing but I wanna put it out quickly. Just to run back to you. Am i being fair? To Jacob? I dont think it's getting too far. But I still think that Im being a tad bit too selfish to enjoy the company of two boys together. And i don't want to break neither their hearts. The trouble is, Im born a heartbreaker.


In the end, i will run back to Edward. Jacob will know how to take care of himself. So why the hell is my heart still aching? I wonder if Bella thinks this way.

I finally have the guts to tell Edward. I don't even know if I should or why I'd wait. I certainly have no strings attached to Edward eventhough im already too attached. At the same time, the flirting with Jacob is fun. I don't know if its harmless. Why am i complaining?

My headache is coming again. I need to call Edward. I miss his voice. I have to stay a safe distance away from Jacob.

I love the both of you. Although I'm team Jacob, I want Edward to be mine.