Story of A Goddess

I'm too tired ryt now to post anything bout egypt, raya open house or whatever. but somehow rather i'm kinda bumped..

And they say:

"Absence make the heart grow fonder.."

but what if it goes the other way round? and u've thought that someday something like this would happen?

'Cause I'm hopeful. Yes, I am.
Hopeful for today.
Take this music and use it.
And it'll take you away.
And be hopeful, hopeful.

It's over. My life, that is. It has never happen before. But it did!

I thought i could run away from it. But i cudn't. Now, i regret. I'm sad. I'm depressed. It's not PMS. I'm dead meat. It's the end for me. Wargh!

I cried. I bawled. I howled. I wailed. I screamed. I screeched. I choked. I sobbed. I wept.

I hit. I stomped. I slapped. I kicked. I punched. I squeezed. I pinched. I pulled. I tugged. I pushed.

I laid silently. I sprawled lifelessly. I stood quietly. I sat still.

I did not turn. I did not twist. I did not swing. I did not sway. I did not move.

70 max. That's the highest i could get. 45 minimum. That's the minimum score i could lose.80. That's my fence that i have to jump over. Can i make it with a little bit of luck? Maths.
Medicine.

That's it. No turning back. No changes. No regrets? No hope? No way of getting back in track?NO WORRIES?! How can that be?

My best subject. Turns out my worst exam paper. Top marks, then. Low percentage, now?

Was it my confidence? Overboard? Have I taken in too lightly? Why this test? Why not the previous? There must be something wrong with me. Positive!!

I feel empty. I feel humiliated with myself. I'm ashamed. I'm embarrassed. I'm enraged!

Think I'm exaggerating? That's the difference between you and me....

For now...........
But, I'll be fine.

`~`I got up this morning at 7 by myself! It's amazing.. i woke up without the help of an alarm clock.. i looked aroung my room.. babi- bersepah gila!!! im so tired.. masuk bilik aie and made an earthquake kat atas katil die... die mcm mayat.. goyang2 pun tanak bangun.. hish.. so i decided to search for my camera.. tangkap gamba elok jugak ni.. *teehee*... what i came out with:
(-.-)And nak dengar cerita tak? i was looking for the damn camera.. bilik bersepah sgt mane taknye tak jumpe.. so i was rummaging *spell check- tak bother in the mornings ni* thru every drawer and cupboard but tak jumpe... harapan nak tangkap gamba pagi pagi was wearing thin.. i was so sad so i went to again aie's room to wake him up..

kejut him is so hard.. tunggu je la die bangun sendiri.. then i had the idea of studying and tidying up my notes and stuff that was all over the place! naik runsing tau tak?!! then terjumpe my beloved camera... teke la kat mane...

('',) yup yup! kat bawah katil along with other stuff.. good thing takde boogy man or anything and its pagi.. so i was happily taking pictures and buat muke gedik when the camera abis battery... bodhosssss... stupid.. so gamba tak banyak...

d-.-b ---- teehee.. anyways.. this gamba was dulu punya but i like it so nak taruk jugak.. and im like obsessed ngan lagu jojo too little too late.. ive been listening to it for the last 24 hours.. no kidding.. im bored sebenarnye.. sebab i have my physics exams today so got agitated and tak boleh tido balik.. bukan pasal nyamuks bodhos.. teehee.. so here i am.. okay la two more hours to noon.. gotta start the day.. exam starts at 2.. wish me luck puppeteers!!! muax! Bright day, it started....

Can somebody please tell me.... what's the point of lowering your ego just to say out that u are in need and to say you need help just to find that the person u ask won't help?!!!!??!!

Why the HELL do these circumstances exist? The humiliation. The fear. The anger. I hate it! I for one thing will never say aloud my needs and cry out for help ever again!! Ever. Unless help comes by itself... Bloody babi...

The humiliation to lower my ego and say my fears and needs aloud is painful enough, let alone being turned down.