Story of A Goddess

I had to be a masochist.
Just had to let my itchy fingers dial your number.
The voice although far from real still felt good.
A painful relief.
Hot tears spilled.
No more... No more... Please.

Then that empty promise was made.
Although i expected it to never happen, I was still angry.
Stupid stupid situation.
I calm myself.
Can't spoil it for you.
No more... No more.. please.

"Elisha he's drunk and we're all drunk
so he'll call you back tomorrow morning ok?
He's throwing up
Haha"

It pierced through me like a million white-hot knives. Ready to burn and leave me bereft.


*Haha Haha Haha....*

Although the intention was good, it replayed in my mind.
Like an evil sinister laugh.
I'm sorry I spoiled it.
I'm being eaten up from the inside.
No more... No more.. No more... Please.

Never again.

For most people, it is the end of the year. The time where we reminisce all the things that we have done in that year. Exams, found love, graduation, broken hearts and speeding tickets. It's always different every end of the year. Last year you had your first kiss, the previous year you broke a leg. It continues to change as you grow up. It marks the end of a 365-day cycle before the wheel turns around and start fresh.

For some, it is a beginning. The beginning of new hope, new resolution, new life. It's a thrill to know that a new starting line is being drawn and the race is reset. Everything that was in the past cannot be undone hence, it's time to think of NEW ways to handle and get over it.

For one person, this particular date of this particular year means a lot to him. Well, he doesn't care much about it but it is actually a big deal. He turns 21. Finally legal. The age that marks his absolute freedom. He's getting a golden key! It's time for him to spread his wings and fly. It's also the time where he spends it with his closest friends. A small gathering but worthwhile. With a cake that will eventually be smeared on his face. Laughs, jokes, and drinks. Last year, nothing happened because everything was a blur. He had end of semester finals and the only thing worth remembering was going to the NYE celebration in the packed-alley of The Streets in The Curve. But it was already the end of his special day. Still, he had his arms around a beautiful lady. He is one lucky man! haha.

This year like all the other years, he continued his tradition of small gathering party with his close friends. Unfortunately I don't get that kind of privilege. I have other obligations i have to take care of. He has his friends. I'm kinda bummed for not being able to EVER know or see that side of him. He may say that all he wants is to celebrate with me. But it doesn't help knowing that he is having fun and I'm not there to atleast share it with him.



*laughs softly* He texted saying he could call for free because it was his birthday (yea call me only when its free PFFTT!) But i know better. I can't wait for him because I'm gonna get hurt waiting when things don't turn out fine. I don't want our conversation to be fuzzy in his mind. I want it to be vivid. So I can just talk to him tomoro when both of us are more sober and sane.

Despite the shittiness that I'm going thru(btw, i have major fever now.) I know that I won't spoil it for him. He can have it his way. My life still has to continue. I have a wedding tomoro. Angkat dulang. Too sick though. Hope I can pull it off tomoro. I'm longing to be in Penang but my family always comes first. And I don't think I'm even fit to travel right now. I'm a little worried. I haven't been this sick since last year. And that last year was a bad ass fever. A turning point in my life.

Oh well, All our memories are deeply etched in my brain and heart. Hope that one day, when we are together again, I can celebrate your birth of life with you.



My Prince.
My Sanctuary.
My Heart.

I love you. Happy birthday.


XOXO
Yours Truly. Elisha

I love fireflies. The way they light up, glow and make it look like the whole world is twinkling at night. I just smile at the fact that every cartoon that has fireflies in it makes it more magical. Almost like pixie dust in Tinkerbell Movie.

You know what's funny? The fact that I have company over and want to ignore the other company have totally backfired on me. The current company is well, having jetlag. And the other company is TOTALLY IGNORING ME! I know some might say Elisha perasan but OMG! IM NOT KIDDING!

The title is based on a dear cousin's quote. She said that she was so bored that she would eat her own feet. BAHAHA.

This is just a setback Elisha. The year is coming to an end and my life already feels fcuking over. This is not even PMS because I just went thru my menses.

I love blogs. Come read this blog.

http://willyoukeepasecret.wordpress.com/

Good one. But very new. Just found it off the net. I love the writings. Very errr storybook-ish.

Okay Im gonna go kill myself now. Too bored.

Ever thought that playing with a match is harmless but when it falls and burns brighter and bigger you panic and try and put it out? The truth is when you start putting the match to the scratch board, you feel curious. When it lights up, the tiny spark and flame puts you in a trance and you feel attracted to it. But you get too close, it feels hot and you drop it. The match drops to a flammable material and ignites a bigger fire. Then when you start to panic. Racing heartbeat, sweaty palms, giddy and lightheaded. You quickly put the fire out and you sigh a breath of relief.


That is how i feel now. Im being honest with you now Edward. Im a flirt. Just like the way a gentleman treats me. But Im friendly to other guys. Just that lately, I have been seeing a lot of Jacob lately because you, Edward, are not here. My heart is racing but I wanna put it out quickly. Just to run back to you. Am i being fair? To Jacob? I dont think it's getting too far. But I still think that Im being a tad bit too selfish to enjoy the company of two boys together. And i don't want to break neither their hearts. The trouble is, Im born a heartbreaker.


In the end, i will run back to Edward. Jacob will know how to take care of himself. So why the hell is my heart still aching? I wonder if Bella thinks this way.

I finally have the guts to tell Edward. I don't even know if I should or why I'd wait. I certainly have no strings attached to Edward eventhough im already too attached. At the same time, the flirting with Jacob is fun. I don't know if its harmless. Why am i complaining?

My headache is coming again. I need to call Edward. I miss his voice. I have to stay a safe distance away from Jacob.

I love the both of you. Although I'm team Jacob, I want Edward to be mine.

A* was in town for 2 days hence, the lack of updates. I went to seremban and we saw three houses.

First house was perfect but its 850. double storey, four bedrooms, fully fully furnished with a/c. the downside of it, the taman is a bit quiet.

The second house was in front of a main road with shop houses around it. Looked more lively and spacious. single storey, 3 bedrooms but something missing i cant remember. and the house is a bit old. The furnitures in there are pretty worn down. 700

The last one, errr first and foremost its the nearest to my hospital about 2 minutes drive. haha. three bedrooms no a/c last room no fan. Its a bit dark on the inside, single storey very basic with a lot of neighbors around. The downside of it, that very house got broken into while the woman and children were in there. So this is a bit of the tabooed house. 700

They suggested apartments but i think its more expensive. I told mum but she said the decision is mine and i have to think this through. I chose house number 1. I swear i chose it not because its bigger but because its more well kept and complete.

What do you think?

* for the record, A isnt my housemate! He and six other friends is renting a BUNGALOW! WTF!

..........................................................

Since A was here for only a short time, i spent most of my time with him and we finally watched the much anticipated animated disney princess movie. The Princess and the Frog. It's hilarious, fun and beautifully done. The outifts, the places, the colors, especially the music and singing! Black princesses can sing like crazy!!!* no means of any disrespect to races*



So please, I know that some of you don't like to watch cartoons but its a really entertaining one. The love story is so shoujo!! HAHA.

Check it out and tell me what you think!

I have recently found my long lost twin's blog. You see, despite the fact that we are twins, I was born September 4th 1989 and she was born September 9th 1988 (note the difference in years). We live far apart from each other: I in Malaysia and she in Glasgow.


I remembered the first time seeing her. It was during my boarding school orientation week, in the dining hall having supper that i realized i saw someone really familiar. I mean how can there be another beauty such as i myself in this world! (Oh didn't i tell you I'm a narcissist?) Anyway, back to the story, I was rudely staring I'm sure.... She had long hair, (Ikal mayang?), tan skin, big dark brown eyes, gleaming white teeth and a bright smile. I was awe-struck! Cantiknya! Macam muka aku!I was seated right in front of her. Or wait, maybe diagonally. My weak human brain has a fuzzy memory of that part. But i was like sitting in front of a mirror. The night ended shortly afterwards without me knowing her name. I knew i was looking for a tag but I couldn't find any. HAH!

Later on, I realized I didnt look anything like her. I just thought that we had the same tanned skin (VERY TAN =)) and button noses. I mean, my teeth will never be that white or huge! hehe. Oh and we had the same build (before she went all anorexic on me - its a natural course for her. runs in the family. she's not an actual anorexic). So I left that train of thought wonder off on its own.

Then, when I finally got accepted to KYS, i found out that she was too. She was friends with Arthini since birth maybe. And she cut her loonnng loonnng hair! We were not close to begin with but I was close to Arthini so our bond sorta grew. Little did i know that soon, after a few months, or was it a whole year. I noticed that some students or teachers would call me Izati instead of Elisha. Elisha kan lagi sedap namanya. But Izati lagi popular. NGEE!!

And so the story where we got mixed up continues despite the fact that we are entirely in different classes for three years. What entails are far more important.
It wasn't the fact that we had similar features.
It wasn't the fact that we were indistinguishable.
It wasn't the fact that we had our birthdays close to each other.


It was the fact that we grew inseparable.
It was the fact that we shared secrets and carried burdens and solved problems together.
It was the fact that we somehow have a mental connection and can finish each other's sentences.
It was the fact that we laugh the loudest, cry the hardest and love the deepest.
It was the fact that we were the craziest and we gossip only among tight 6-lady group.
It was the fact that if i were to lose her one day, I'd feel a big part of me gone too.



And for that, we called ourselves twins.
I'm Twinz, She's Twinzy.

Somehow miraculously, our bond was never ruined, if not tightened, over the years that we grew apart physically in different continents. Half way across each other's world. A call to Glasgow ain't cheap! We manage somehow with technology. What with msn, and facebook, and blogs. To begin with, we don't usually see each other and have girls day out. But we have the IZATI-ELISHA ANNUAL SLEEPOVER! Haaa power tak?? teehee. But next year i doubt it can happen cause I'll be in Seremban and she might be coming back for only three weeks. I don't want to be selfish. Maybe i can bunk in with her this time. Seremban and Kajang is closer than Kota D with KJ right?

I look forward to seeing her become a successful pharmacist.
I look forward to having more trips with her when we're older and have lotsa money!
Basically, I look forward to being the one by her side till I'm old and wilting.

Love you Izati Md Ikram

Ever ready to extend my hand of friendship. Welcome to my blog.


*Isn't it a tad bit too much for a welcome post? Hah!
**Imi, if you're reading this, I know you tengah emo. Dont cry when you read this kay? I miss you. Feel free to read my old entries.

Joke of the day:



Abg Zura, a 9 week pregnant cousin of mine, was showing off her small mound of a belly.

The husband saw it and said,"Eh Bee, your perut dah buncit!"

Abg Zura was quiet for awhile and blasted back at him," Ye la sapa suruh you letak janin kat dalam perut I?!!?!?!"

(translation for the weak: I didn't ask you to spurt your seed in me)

I was barking like a mad bitch! HILARIOUS!!