Ever thought that playing with a match is harmless but when it falls and burns brighter and bigger you panic and try and put it out? The truth is when you start putting the match to the scratch board, you feel curious. When it lights up, the tiny spark and flame puts you in a trance and you feel attracted to it. But you get too close, it feels hot and you drop it. The match drops to a flammable material and ignites a bigger fire. Then when you start to panic. Racing heartbeat, sweaty palms, giddy and lightheaded. You quickly put the fire out and you sigh a breath of relief.
That is how i feel now. Im being honest with you now Edward. Im a flirt. Just like the way a gentleman treats me. But Im friendly to other guys. Just that lately, I have been seeing a lot of Jacob lately because you, Edward, are not here. My heart is racing but I wanna put it out quickly. Just to run back to you. Am i being fair? To Jacob? I dont think it's getting too far. But I still think that Im being a tad bit too selfish to enjoy the company of two boys together. And i don't want to break neither their hearts. The trouble is, Im born a heartbreaker.
In the end, i will run back to Edward. Jacob will know how to take care of himself. So why the hell is my heart still aching? I wonder if Bella thinks this way.
I finally have the guts to tell Edward. I don't even know if I should or why I'd wait. I certainly have no strings attached to Edward eventhough im already too attached. At the same time, the flirting with Jacob is fun. I don't know if its harmless. Why am i complaining?
My headache is coming again. I need to call Edward. I miss his voice. I have to stay a safe distance away from Jacob.
I love the both of you. Although I'm team Jacob, I want Edward to be mine.
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