Lazy Sunday

I stole that phrase from an old friend of mine from facebook. Ah. Sundays. You feel lazier than any other days. I guess it's because tomoro is Monday and it's the start of yet another long week. You start your day with an already crappy feeling because on Saturday you didn't actually do something that was exciting.


Exciting, mind you, can be anything. Not just 'that'. Some days you just want to chill at home with friends. Some days you want it to be an exciting day. Go out, dress up, do something out of this house. yes yes the massage was relaxing but it was costly. And me not having a car is making me feel so down. I have to depend on people. I want my viva back! at least i can go wherever without having to ask for keys or waiting for that person to want to go out. At times like this I want to be able to take a drive and find peace. By myself.

Im suppose to go to the hospital today. Actually i was suppose to go on wednesday but i've been postponing. This is madness. I think i have a disease. Can i take some pills for it? It is a new era anyway, so everything should be possible right? Pfft.. It's all in your head again, Elisha. Maybe I'm Alice. I just watched that movie and I think i'm very much like Alice. I dont like doing something just because people say it's the right thing to do. I want to be able to think of impossible things before breakfast. I want to do the things I want to do.

The shitty part is, when you want to do something with a certain someone, but the feeling/want is not mutual. How do you deal with that? Get another person to do it with you? Or be the stupid person and WAIT till that person wants to do something. Fuck la. I'm known to hate waiting so there is no point in staying put and tagging him like a puppy. But why am I still angry?

Im frustrated with myself for always including you in everything i do. I set a trap for myself. Now I'm stuck, hurt, bleeding and left alone to lick my self-inflicted wound. HOW DEPRESSING! Takkan nak period lagi. This can't be PMS so i need time to sort myself out again. I don't think this is Clinical Depression because im not depressed 5 times a week.

Huff... This isn't going away anytime soon. So I won't bother with this for now. I will see pass this. I am better than that! Come on Eli! You can do it~!

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