Story of A Goddess

Okay, once again i think i need a personality check. the conclusion of today is MEN stay the hell away from me. I hate the drama in a relationship, i hate the bickerings, i hate the cyclic arguments and i definitely hate the feeling of hopelessness in this so called unconditional love. im not ready for this yet i dive everytime something comes. i tell myself to be very careful yet i fall into my own trap.

feelings..... they suck. yes there is a better side of it but this feeling where u 'feel' u need someone, 'feeling' that someone is not enough. why the hell do we have this feeling? i know this is just my pms talking an my entry isnt going to be organized or coordinated. i'm just gonna splash the feelings that come up from this chest! *roar!!! beats chest primitively* and to top it all of... i dont need it when im doing things to built my career. the foundation of my future. i told myself not to dwell in this drama. but hell, it creeps. its even nothing serious. just the damn 'feeling'!!!

Exams are coming up and ur told to focus. im wide awake and he has no trouble sleeping *metaphorically* this may not make sense to you readers. i apologize. women who have goals in life and strive to be better are known for their failure at love or struggling. which ever way that makes you feel better but they, who ever they are come up with bullshit like follow your heart. life is too short enjoy it. don't ignore what the heart wants. follow your instincts. those who created these phrases should have their asses kicked. period.

i try and put up my best behaviour.
i try and not trouble you too much.
i try to make u happy.
i try to make things easier.
i try free your mind of any guilt.. well this i dont try but rather the opposite. but still.
all i want is a phone call that makes me smile like how i know you can. i have it in you. i complain a lot. u have never complained about it. sometimes my tone come out wrong. and you say im annoying as i always say you are. you say u miss me but when i call to complain about something you sound nonchalant. and when i start acting up 'merajuk' you never fail to fail me... you say at times you dont know what to do and ask me to tell u what to do. when i do......... the next time it happens you should be more prepared. what the hell is the matter with men? why do we have to spell it over and over again for them? dont they have memories for this? memory belajar ada.

like ive said before. if you dont find me interesting then leave. ur always the one to easily throw things away and not remember it the next day. whats worse is you say that everytime we part and you have plans i start acting up. i was acting up because i had a headache and u didnt understand it. i dont give a shit if ur going out. im always cold to u when i merajuk but u know i just need somebody, you specifically, to cheer me up again. not be angry at me. dont ever put out fire with gasoline. bodoh.

you're always seeing it asthough these things, these bouts happen all the time. everytime there is something going on in our lives separately. asthough i needy. asthough i dont have a life and i start bothering with yours. what you dont realise is these episodes happen only when im nearing my menses. its called a menstrual cycle. of course it comes time and again. u learnt about it. im sure u remember these scientific things. dont mind me. im fine by myself if i know you no longer have interest. you fail to see that when this comes all you have to do is smile and endure me. i use to have a list of criteria for the man of my dreams but it threw it away knowing i have you. and i dont expect you to fulfil anything or any prophecies but please... i just need hugs and kisses and sweet words.